That Fine Line Between True Love or Timepass In Online Dating

I have recently joined a social networking app and one of my followers has sent me this message, "I met a woman on this app and we started dating each other a month ago. I even got naked on camera for her. However, when I told her that I am seriously in love with her, she said that she is married and after that, she has blocked me on the app's messenger. I still love her and I am clueless about how she could do this to me?"

Another follower said, "I am married and have a child. I don't have a good married life and my wife and I have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past two years. In the past seven years, I couldn't recognize my wife very well."

In the above examples, it is possible that you believe their story and develop sympathy for such a person that might eventually translate into falling in love. CAUTION!! I don't know if the first guy was lying or not as I have no idea about his real identity. However, I was able to track down the second guy on Facebook. From his posts and photos, it was clear that he was lying and there was nothing wrong with his married life. So, what's the lesson learned here?

With everyone being stuck at home and falling short of activities to do, it is not uncommon for people to look out for some excitement in the virtual world. There is nothing wrong with online dating. Apps like Tinder, Match.com, OkCupid, Bumble or OkZoomer are meant to be for this purpose- it's a great way to connect and decide if there are possibilities for the two people. However, it is not possible to fall in love until you have met in person. You can chat for hours, days, even months or years online or do video calls. But, an online relationship just isn't the real thing. Until you start spending time with that person in the real world, you won't know if you love each other for real.

Some might disagree with me, but here is what I think are some signs that might help you understand if you are trapped in a timepass relation:

S/he says "I love you" within 2 days of chatting: How can two people be in love if they have never seen each other in person? Love is a combination of all the 5 senses and also the sixth one. You can't experience all your senses through chatting or video calls. "I love you" doesn't prove that s/he truly loves you even though you might think of it as the ultimate golden words. There is a big difference between someone just saying those lovey-dovey things to you and someone that actually means those things. People online might just say it in the excitement or to get you hooked on to their game. In reality, 'Love' is a very complex commitment that comprises feelings, care, longevity and sacrifice. The real test of love is when action speaks louder than words. 

S/he contacts you on their schedule: Do you spend time waiting for his/her texts/call? Are you the one to constantly keep looking at your phone hoping to hear from your fake lover? Start paying attention to when you hear from this person. Is it only late at night after everyone at his/her home is sleeping or watching porn? Maybe it takes him/her hours to respond to your text. This is not acceptable. You shouldn’t expect him/her to respond immediately to every text, but if you observe a pattern in contacting you, then this may be a sign of using you. Moreover, this person will never want to talk to you on a call in the presence of his/her family. You agree or not, you are being used at his/her convenience.

S/he only replies to your messages and doesn't initiate a conversation: Are you the one to send "good morning", "goodnight", "what are you doing", "miss you" or  "love you" messages and s/he only replies to it? This is a clear indication that this person is basically here for timepass and does not love you genuinely. Some who loves you will initiate meaningful conversations and find time to talk to you even when they are mostly occupied. 

You are not spending quality time together: This is very common if you are befriending someone in the virtual world. People talk big online but they don't mean them. This is especially true if s/he doesn't call you and talk on meaningful subjects, things that matter to you, things that are related to the two of your future. You might still want to continue talking to him hoping that one day he will start loving you for real. But this person is never going to commit. 

S/he doesn't talk about commitment: Ask them about your future plans or post-lockdown plans and they will conveniently avoid the topic or make a joke out to it so that they don't have to answer your question. Often times you will hear replies like, "let's see", "time will speak", "let's keep our options open", etc. This is because they do not foresee a future with you. Therefore, it is not worth investing serious time in this person. S/he’s communicating a major message that you’re not seeing: s/he wants to play the field, and you’re just one part of his/her sport.

S/he doesn't take an interest in your life or your emotions: You can tell so much about a person's interest in you by the content of his/her communication. All they are interested is to talk naughty with you- something that they cannot do in the real-world or with their real-world partners. Moreover, they think you are also like them looking for some fun. As a result, they won't respect the way you would want to be respected. Say you have the world’s worst day and all you want to do is share with this person. And, what's his/her reaction? S/he is indifferent and there is no excuse for this. 

Conversations always turn sexual: When s/he talks with you and regardless of the topic - s/he finds a way to bring sex into the conversation. When you tell him/her you can hardly wait to go home and just soak in a hot bath, s/he's quick to tell you, s/he wishes s/he could be there to have sex with you in the shower. "What are you wearing right now?" is another popular question. Such people will keep asking for your nude photos, talk dirty, and want you to do video sex with them. If you resist then they might convince you that they love you and then slowly make you do things that they want you to do or s/he might get angry if you don't want to discuss sex. By then you will be in love with this person and therefore do everything as per his/her will. If you don't do it, s/he will immediately break-up with you because you are of no use to him/her.

S/he doesn't discuss his family or anything personal: Anything you would ask about their family may sound intruding to them. S/her might shut you up by sending you a kiss emoji or tell you that s/he is kissing you on your lips or change the topic. These are all tricks to avoid your questions. You just text each other every once in awhile, it’s  just on and off, you are unaware of what’s going on in the other person’s life and it generally feels like you don’t know the other person then you’re not really in a relationship. You have formed a real bond only when you feel connected with your partner; emotionally, physically and mentally.

If you know that this person is already married, then ask him to leave his wife first before talking to you. Marital status has nothing to do with these online perverts. They know that it is not technically cheating since they are only having conversational sex with you and not sleeping with you for real.

Conclusion: The Internet can be a playground for sex fantasies because one can easily get away with it after some enjoyment without revealing his/her real identity. However, you don't have to be a part of it. Love is mutual. When s/he’s sad, you’re sad. But when you are sad, is s/he sad too? If your love is different from his/her love it means that this person doesn't love you, period.