Sexting With A Married Person: Is It Cheating?

Yes, it is cheating if you are sexting with someone other than your significant other or your committed partner! While many of you may not agree with me because you are not practically doing anything in reality. I agree with it to some extent especially if you are sexting with someone you are committed to a relationship or you are casually seeing someone and aren't committed in a relationship then maybe it is not cheating. However, if you are committed to a relationship, then it is cheating, buddy! 

My friend recently met this guy on a social media app and started talking to him. His great sense of humor immediately caught her attention. After a few interactions, this guy asked her, "What is your viewpoint on lovemaking. You are married, right? So, that makes you experienced in this regard." This was a first warning sign and she should have cut the conversation then and there. Unfortunately, she didn't. 

This guy apologized for his behavior and said that he was married and he and his wife weren't sexually active for the past few years. He further justified his act by telling her that he was in love with her, and it was an emotional outbreak that led him to say these things unintentionally. He also explained that he wanted to know her viewpoint on relationships between couples and not about her sex life with her husband.

She thought of giving him a second chance and that's where she went wrong in assessing his intentions. Everything was going on in a very friendly manner, until one day he texted her, "I want to kiss you on your navel and lick you on your neck."  Sexting can be a dealbreaker for many not only because she is married but more because he was married. At first, she was sad for many reasons: 
a) because she thought they could have been good friends 
b) She did feel bad for disrupted marital life (let's say he was speaking the truth) 
c) She felt that she had become a cybersex victim and was being fooled around on the pretext of true love. 

Stupid girl, right? It's normal, when you have a weak spot for the other person. It's always the heart that rules your brain.

She tried to explain to him the repercussions of sexting but he was persistent to continue. Before disconnecting all the ties with him, these are some of the things that the guy told her:

"I truly love you but you are adamant and keep saying 'No' to my desires".....

"What is the use of having you if I have to watch porn every night?"......

"I don't deserve you. Please leave me alone and don't irritate me. You go your way and let me find my way. I don't want you to feel in a cage for a worthless guy like me."......

"It's only about 'you, you and you'. There is no 'we' here. I gave many chances to our relationship but things are not matching.".......

As you will notice here, this dude was getting angry because she refused to sex chat with him. He understood that anger was not working, so he tried to emotionally blackmail her by trying to make her feel guilty. These are all traits of a person who is only interested in having a sex chat with you. He is just using you and does not love you. Someone who truly loves you (as a friend or whatever), will respect your boundaries and wait for you to become comfortable instead of forcing his expectations on you.

Thankfully, she had not shared any of her details with him such as her real name, last name, phone number, social network profiles, etc.  While, her conscience may not allow her to sex chat with him, but for many, he might be a good catch for a good timepass. Charming as ever, he displayed all the qualities that one can only wish for. 

My friend and I discussed this matter in length and here's why I think sexting is cheating and what you can do about it.

Sexting makes you desire about the person with who you are sexting: If you begin to desire that other person more than your spouse sexually, it will slowly begin to affect your relationship with them. Fantasizing is dangerous. Think of how you will feel if you catch your spouse fantasizing about somebody else?

It can lead to the actual physical act of sex: Once you are sexting with someone there will be a natural desire for you to have sex with this person in real. Things might start up as casual flirting but you will not even come to know when it will all become real. Sexting builds anticipation and the desire to know how it would really be like.  

It can hurt the people involved in it: Neither of you will leave your spouses for real, get that straight. Especially men will never leave their wives. Commitment is all fake. So how much ever sexting you do or sleep together in real life hoping for a future together, that will never happen in this life. One of you will end up getting hurt and that too very badly. Also, what would happen if your spouse went through your phone? What would they say? How would they react? Would they forgive you? There is a risk of more people getting hurt.

Sexting will ruin your existing relationship: You might think that you are smart enough to hide that you are sexting. Nothing on your phone is private and sooner or later you are going to be caught. If you are spending more time with your phone as opposed to spending time with your spouse, it will start affecting your existing relationship.

Over demanding and unhealthy expectations: Today, your chat friend might ask you what you are wearing. Tomorrow, he/she might ask you to show what you are wearing. The day isn't very far from when you will start doing nude video chats with him/her. Likewise, as the sexting relationship continues, it will impact the expectations you have in your present relationship as you will want to recreate the same fantasies in the real world bedroom that you have been creating in the virtual world. 

Attachment versus addiction: Sexting is a habit. You may think that you are getting emotionally attached but it is just addiction. It will be harder for you to say good-bye because you are used to this person now. At the same time, it is harder for you to focus on your spouse as well. 

Level 2 of sexting is nude video calls: That's cybersex, period! Do you think your man/woman will marry you after seeing you naked and having virtual sex with you? LOL! That's never gonna happen. You will hear filmy dialogues such as, "I believe in living in the present", "Who has seen the future", etc., these are all strategies to get what this person needs today. Tomorrow you will be a stranger to him/her. Moreover, the world of the internet is full of hackers. You never know who else is watching you or where all your photos and videos are getting transmitted. 

What should you do?

Just stop it! It's time for a new beginning. Whether you are the one sexting or have caught your spouse, it's time for a new start. It will hurt you but think of it as being saved from bigger trouble. 

Remember, living with a broken heart is way peaceful than living with a broken conscience.